The Chicago Bears are Terrible II

These guys can’t catch a break.  Yesterday during practice, the lights went out on the Bears.  We don’t mean they finally gave up all hope and disbanded, even though that would be the best thing for everyone involved.  The lights at their practice field literally malfunctioned, forcing them to move to a high school field to finish practice – very professional.  Just three days ago we wrote about how they aren’t capable of watering grass and like to make little kids cry.  This all has to be demoralizing for them.

We will post Cutler jokes at every single opportunity.

The evidence of Jesus hating the Bears is really starting to pile up.  Defend-Wisconsin will, as always, continue to bring you up-to-the-minute coverage of the Bears sucking.

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The Huffington Post totally stole our picture

Hey Huffington Post totally ripped us off.  Click on our homepage (thanks) or look right above this post, that’s OUR picture of the Wisconsin flag right there in the banner!  Bastards!  Granted, we didn’t take the picture, we found it on Google just like they did.  Still, this brings up the point that we need more fucking pictures of the state flag.  Also, we heard there was some sort of election today.

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The Chicago Bears are Terrible

When this story came to our attention at Defend-Wisconsin HQ, everyone LOL-ed.  Some of us ROFL-ed.  One of the interns even wet himself.  The wetting didn’t have anything to do with the story, the plate in his head just does that to him sometimes when people send text messages.  Anyway, the Chicago Bears are incapable of watering their own goddamned field and brutally disappointed thousands of fans last Friday.  We’re not making this shit up.

They were having a “Family Fest” public practice at Soldier Field for which they sold tickets, but when they walked on the field it was all dried up and shit.  This was only about an hour before the damn thing was scheduled to start and after thousands had battled traffic and heat to get to the stadium.  Rather than have the team sign some autographs, take pictures with the kids, or even TELL THE FANS ANYTHING, they got on their bus and went back to their practice facility at Olivet Nazarene University.  You know little kids were totally crying.  Nice work assholes. Continue reading

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Let’s Turn that Frown Upside Down

Seriously dudes, we’re getting major bad vibes from this whole State Fair thing.  Let’s try to remember the good stuff.

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Dear Milwaukee Black Kids – Knock That Shit Off!

Mob Incident at Wisconsin State Fair

Police begin probe into mob incidents at State Fair

Not cool, not cool at all.  Just two days ago we posted about the Fair and how great it was going to be.  Attendees at the Fair last night just wanted them some god-damned MC Hammer, cream puffs, corn on the cob, bison burritos, fried fucking cheese, and the Oak Ridge Boys.  The Oak Ridge Boys!

What role did these bad ass motherfuckers play? We're looking into it.

But apparently a large mob of kids (reported to be mostly teenagers) decided all that wasn’t good enough and rampaged through the whole damn thing, broke a bunch of shit, knocked over little kids, beat people up, and caused a riot.  When police responded (on foot and horseback, just like the wild west) the mob stampeded, knocked more people over, and jumped on cars.  Sweet.

This is never a good thing.

Continue reading

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The Wisconsin State Fair (That’s how we livin’ and ya know…)

The stars are aligned perfectly and a cascade of the purest awesome has fallen upon us.  Not only is it time for the Wisconsin State Fair, which is a blessing completely on its own, but MC Hammer, Tone Loc, and fucking Young MC are headlining opening night!  Fuck. To. The. Yeah.  The Defend-Wisconsin staff have been Hammer dancing all week.

He'll be serving up Medinas all night, funky and cold.

We know you’re far, far too legit’ to miss this, so bust a move on down to sunny West Allis and wash this sick show down with a cold beer or four, some cream puffs, and chocolate covered bacon on a stick.  Holy Dammit. Continue reading

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